Here’s a blog I wrote a couple of weeks ago, on the day I first set up this blog with WordPress.
Today I set up my blog on the web. Hopped on to WordPress, organised my blog page and decided what I would call it. I’ve got to say it wasn’t easy. I don’t see myself as a dummy when it comes to using technology, but I was frustrated for quite a while before I finally got the page set up sufficiently well to get the ball rolling. I found their lack of “how to’s” most frustrating, and I’m guessing it’s because so many people already use WordPress (and other technology like it) so it’s set up intuitively for those who already know how to use them. To us doing it for the first time, it didn’t feel very intuitive at all. Help screens and copious descriptions of what to do would have been very helpful (later on I did find more online help, but for me as a noob it was still pretty unhelpful).
Anyway, it’s done, and I posted the first blog that I wrote a few weeks ago. It’s funny how doing that simple thing changed how I felt about my blogs. Up till now, no-one has read them but me, and I’ve been pretty happy with them. Now that I’ve posted one, I have my doubts.
Is it interesting enough to read? Do I waffle a bit, or is it really all a bit dry? All of a sudden I’m concerned about how others will perceive my work, and I feel the PRESSURE.
This is crazy – I set this blog up originally for my own benefit. Sure, I had great pleasure in imagining others reading it and interacting with it, but I started it as a way to get my creative juices flowing. Now, I’m not really sure if I’m any more creative than I was when I started it, but I am surprised at how easily ideas have flowed once I put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard!). It has taken a bit of discipline to get my iPad out and get started each day (today was no different) but once I’ve typed a couple of sentences it becomes effortless.
Amazing – who would have thought? And I might find out one day (if I persist with posting my blogs) if any of you are remotely interested in what I have to say. But I am so pleased to have started and got this far. If no-one else benefits, I have. Already a number of ideas that have been half formed are now clearer. I’ve been thinking out aloud in writing my blogs, and it’s helped me clarify what I believe about quite a few things.
Oh, I know that doesn’t mean that I’m right. Indeed, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if I revisit some of my earlier topics at some stage in the future and arrive at different conclusions. I don’t have the last word – and I don’t need to. I just know more clearly what I believe at the moment. And that’s rather refreshing for me.
It makes me wonder what life would be like if I was able to talk this stuff out every day with someone – just like Annabel Crabb and Leigh Sales (who I mentioned in an earlier blog). But I don’t have someone like that at the moment and if I did there is no guarantee they would be interested in the sorts of things I have mused about in these blogs. So, in the absence of such a person, I have to say this blog has been terrific for me.
What I have to be careful about now, is not to let the publishing of my blogs take this joy away. I am a competitive bugger, and measure myself all the time. Now I can measure the success of my blog (how many followers, how many readers, how many comments, how many of those comments positive and how many negative) – but I must not. I must not turn it into something it was never intended to be. I’m sorry, but it’s not about you, dear reader. It’s about me! And I can only hope that you will benefit from what I write, but if you don’t, well, I am, so that’s okay.
So here’s to being selfish. Or rather, true to myself and my motivation. Wish me success, just like everyone in Peter Pan wished Tinkerbell to be okay (and she was). The proof of it will be if you see this blog or not (of course, you can’t wish me well until you see this, and by then I might just have conquered my fixation with achievement – but wish me well anyway!). Thank you in advance.
Postscript: Now, a couple of weeks later, I have to say I’m doing okay. Thanks for those who have liked my posts so far. And yes – I have struggled a bit to stay focussed on the purpose of this blog. I’ve had to pull myself back a few times from saying what I think you might like to hear. Because it’s not about me serving up something I think you might like – if it is, then that will become a chore. Its about me sharing what’s important to me, and hopefully you’ll find it interesting too. Here’s hoping I continue to resist the urge to please others.